You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
