I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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