How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
