nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
