i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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