your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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