oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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