Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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