Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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