I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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