Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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