Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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