at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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