Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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