You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
