Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
