; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
