You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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