My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
