All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
