whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
