Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
