fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
