dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
