Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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