he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
