she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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