i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
