I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
