it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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