Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
