i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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