dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
