they need to just BURY HIM!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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