so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize