Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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