Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
