Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
