He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
