I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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