My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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