Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
