literally had 100 drinks last night.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
