so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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