You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
