Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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