let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize