She is in my trunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
