you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize