I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
