everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
