No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
