remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
