Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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