my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
