last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
