The maid of honor just puked.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
