sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
