I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
