Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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