I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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