I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
