I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
