My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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